I have a really unpleasant personality defect. I am jealous of others. It doesn't really matter who it is or what the subject. I find myself envious of virtually everyone. This one is a better cook than I am. This one has infinite patience with her children. She sings. He paints. She's naturally skinny. He can build a tree house in the backyard with peanut shells. They know how to tango (tango!). She can make a cornucopia from a paper towel. It goes on and on.
I know that at the root of all of this is one very common, very mundane item: insecurity. You would think that at this point in my life, I would not be insecure anymore. I have grown into myself for the most part, and even like myself most days. But there is this knee-jerk response of envy when I feel that others are doing better than I am. Which is ridiculous because hell, you never know what goes on behind one perfectly-decorated-for-Halloween-door.
I have this great quote that sits in front of me at work. I try to internalize it. Some days, this works better than others:
"Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about."
I can barely figure out what my journey is about. I'm hoping that this is one of those things that maturity naturally bestows upon you, like age and wisdom coming to sit gracefully on your shoulders, blanketing the unquiet inside with its regal silence.
A girl can hope, right?
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